Inspire

After focusing so much on the ugly, and the awe of restoration, I am being transformed into seeing the beauty and the awe of the simple and the joy moments throughout the day.  Inspired by Ann Voskamp's, "1000 gifts", my prayer to the Lord God of my heart today was/is "Lord, soften my heart today, to see the beauty".

Her incoherent mumble of the morning draws me to my feet and I meet her lifted head as I walk into her room.  Again she mumbles something, this time I can hear, "is it 10? Oh my goodness...I am so tired, I have been working all night..." I am standing at her bedside now speaking bits of words in response to hers...she goes on to say, "my heart is racing...I was working so hard...there were so many dishes...and we had to go on a trip and when I looked at the clock and saw that it was 10, I thought, 'there is NO way we will make it on time'". 
This is generally the way my mornings start out with my 94 year old grandma, though the dream changes, the realness of it, for her, is always the same. 
She is beautiful.

Joy throughout the day? 
Adele, Neil and Dusty with Grandma in the car, driving through the rain...overwhelmed by the scene and can't help but let the joy-filled tears roll down my face in silence, though my thoughts are heard by He Who has given me eyes to see and has filled me with the joy beheld in this moment.

Encouraged by the "Joy Dare"  (http://www.flickr.com/photos/21570503@N03/6639233869/)

January 24th - take joy in 3 things blue:
1) she'll be waking soon...the blue of grandma's slippers and housecoat, warming by the fire to welcome her from her dreams to breathe the breath of God for another day and I am able, for another day, to be in her company, by God's grace, by God's mercy, by God's provision, by God's love....marked by the color of blue.

2) most times I believe I can do anything as long as I am wearing gloves and/or rubber boots.  Today, I take great joy in my blue superman rubber gloves... I love the smell of dawn dish soap (which also happens to be blue), it reminds me of my youth...babysitting.  I always preferred washing dishes in the kitchens of others, it seemed they always had dawn...we had the the cheap lemon-scented generic stuff that had the satiation longevity equal to that of chinese food...5 minutes in and we had to add more soap.  Anyway, my blue gloves protect my hands from the too-hot-for-skin-dish water that assures germ-free cleanliness.  Give me rubber gloves over a dishwasher any day!

3) her blue eyes...though they don't work as they once did, they still show off so much of her...her giddiness is in her eyes...her weakness is in her eyes...her love is in her eyes...her simple beauty is in her eyes...her stories are in her eyes...her loss is in her eyes...her courage is in her eyes...

Love you!

Forgiveness

And then I heard Him say, "Ok Leslie, I am listening, plead your case".  The sound of the Judge's voice both excited and startled me.  Startled, not because it was a scary voice, but startled because He was literally speaking to me...me!  And in my mind's eye, I gathered my briefcase filled with evidence upon evidence of why I was justified to have a case against the man I was growing to despise.  I pushed open the heavy doors leading into the courtroom and walked to the table reserved for plaintiffs, and looking to my right I see him there, standing alone, with a look of soreness about his face.  I didn't care, I was confident in my case.  I looked to the judge before us, and though I cannot desribe what I saw; I saw Who I knew to be the Judge of all the earth, El Shaddai, The Lord God Almighty.  Again, I hear the words, "Ok Leslie, I'm listening".  And in that very instant I was broken by the power of the forgiveness of God.  His voice was so endearing and gentle, it was the voice of a father, a voice of comfort and understanding, a voice willing to listen to what I had to say without partiality, a voice willing to HEAR me. 
This was my chance, the chance I had been waiting for, a chance to say everything that had been building in my heart toward the man to my right, the man I call Dad, but a dad I did not know.  This was the time to let the burdening emotions of hurt and anger, bitterness and resentment, vengence and hatred, pain and neglect, abandonment and rejection, lonely and wanting, to carry the words of my heart out of my mouth and filling the courtroom, come to rest upon him who is my dad and to see him wake up and take responsibility for his behavior, for his action of doing nothing....THIS WAS IT!  THIS WAS MY TIME...and I was standing before Him who could DO something about it. 
But as I was saying, in that moment I was struck with the power of foregiveness.  I looked at my dad and I was overcome by the realization that I had NO case against him, because God Almighty has NO case against me, because His Son paid my debt.  Any words that I attempted to speak, they sounded lame in my head, there was nothing I could say to God that would justify not forgiving this man.  Every claim I tried to speak was confronted with the blood of Jesus that had been shed for me, I couldn't open my mouth to speak the speech I had been preparing in my head since the age of three.  I understood more in that moment than I have in the 11 years that I have called upon Jesus as my Savior.  I broke down with such a crippling humility, and through the quivering of my lips and the interruption of my tears, I spoke, "I have no case against this man, I have no case against this man." How can I possibly stand before Him who through the blood of His Son can say to me, "I have no case against you", and not do the same?  That is what we are called to do, "Forgive us our debts as we forgive those who are indebted to us", but I had not forgiven.  And I did not know I had not forgiven, until I was put in a situation to live with my dad for 4 months and be confronted with the truth of what was nestled deep, deep down in my heart, a truth that needed to be brought to the surface and dealt with, because I call Jesus my Savior and He calls for our WHOLE heart and my heart, to Him, I have freely given and there is no 'Push In Case of Emergency" stop button on the transformation train.
Unknowingly, Hatred had been a resident in my heart my whole life.  That day, in the courtroom, Hatred was evicted permantly and Love has moved in completely.  I feel like a new creation all over again; life has come alive again!  As Bunyan shares in his book, The Pilgrim's Progress, I feel like I have crossed through the Slough of Despond, with Help at my side and have been grace-fully relieved of this burden on my back.  I love my dad, in Spirit and in Truth, I have nothing else in me, but love for him.  And I am bound to give thanks to God, my Lord, my Savior, because from the beginning I was chosen for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit, and belief in the truth, to which I was called by the gospel, for the obtaining of the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Amen.  (2 Thess 2:13)

My Day As A Mariner

July 2011, the Mariners have suffered a 14 game losing streak and I have felt like a teammate, walking through the same losing streak in my own life.  The idea that “it doesn’t matter what we do, we can’t win”.  They hit a grand slam in the top of the 8^th  to tie the game, then gave up 2 runs in the bottom of the 8^th to produce their 13^th loss.  I had the first uninterrupted sleep since I can remember, while caring for grandma, only to be without energy and simply exhausted for the whole day.  The mariners take a tied game into the 14^th inning, lose it at the bottom of the 14^th after a runner stole second and third and was able to tag up and run home on a pop out to center field.  I had 2 breakthrough conversations with my dad, hoping that something would change with me so than I can move forward and not be so tripped up by my past issues with him, but each day just continued to be compounded with fatigue, frustrations with communicating with him and grandma and constantly feeling relegated to the back seat within their midst. 

“I am so tired of being tired”.  I say this as the Mariners are saying, “we are so tired of losing”.  They get close, they make great plays, they get a grand slam, they tie the game and take it into extra innings,  they have their highest hitting average all season, but their worst pitching record.  “It doesn’t matter what we do, we can’t win”.  For the potentially 15^th loss in a row (which I am watching right now and we are only in the bottom of the first and behind, 2-3), the manager, Eric Wedge, shaved his mustache.  “At this point you got try everything, so much of it is psychological”.  Yesterday I took a day trip to the coast and sat there on the beach watching the ocean, listening to the waves, feeling the wind, “maybe this break will redirect my perspective and resurge my energy…I got to do something, something needs to change”.

[2 RBI single; 2-5, Red Sox; bottom of the first]

Grandma’s oldest and dearest friend passed away last night.  She turned ninety-five just two weeks ago.  They had known each other for 63 years and have lived life together for all 63.  Muriel was grandma’s first friend upon moving here from Canada, 63 years ago, and I imagine they were closer than sisters.  Both Muriel and Grandma’s husbands passed away and so they have carried each other the rest of the way and now I wonder if Grandma is thinking, “who will carry me now?”  I’m not sure how this is going to affect her psychologically.  I’m not sure how much of the weight of life was relieved for grandma just knowing  Muriel was still getting up each morning and going to bed each night and living the same ‘ol dull routine just down the street. 

This morning grandma woke up and I met her in the living room, “the Mariner’s game is on grandma”, to which she replies, “I don’t care”.  This apathy for the Mariners, who she has followed for about 10 years could be in part because of their losing streak OR is it because the will to live has already begun its descent ?

Lord, You are the strength of my life, I pray You be the strength of grandma’s life.  I pray for wisdom to know how to walk alongside her on this leg of her journey.  I pray for simple words of comfort and effective gestures of love and kindness toward this woman who I call grandma, who others call mom, who some call friend and few call sister.  May Your love carry her, may Your love comfort her, may Your truth settle her and bring her peace as she continues to get up each morning, go to bed each night and continue living the same ‘ol dull routine.

let God change your life

Last night I sent a text to a friend..."Let God change your life".  I say this as I am experiencing Him change mine.  On Sunday, I attended the home church God lead me to for the second time.  And am still chewing on what transpired.  I ended up in the middle of the room being prayed over.  How did this happen?  I started talking.
There was even a time in the midst of my mouth moving that I remember thinking, "what am I saying right now?  What am I doing?  This doesn't feel like me."  Yes, we all know I can talk, however, in a group of strangers...my voice is generally disabled.  Especially when confessing the groanings of my heart.  But something compelled me to speak without having the words to fully express, and without trying to sound polished or "spiritual" or confident and sure or funny and clever.  I was compelled to be vulnerable before 10 adults and 3 kids.  I was compelled to let them 'see' me.  I was compelled to make sure I didn't carry with me, into this group of brothers and sisters in Christ, any masks.  And I saw myself sitting there, seeing everyone looking at me and talking to me and sharing with me their words of encouragement and wondered, "why does everyone feel they need to encourage me?"  And in the next thought I received a word from the Lord, "just listen". And I did...
I listened as Cully reminded me of the joy it is to share the beauty of Christ with people and how experiencing the presence of God is truly a joy that is unspeakable but we can't help but express it in our countenance. 
I listened as Mike shared about the growth that comes from being uncomfortable.  And the encouragement to endure through the wilderness seasons.
I listened as host-Mike reminded me of how empty my life was when trying to live the life the world expects from us and not living the life God has prepared for us.  As Heather and Charlene shared their same discomforts when confronted with the question, "what have you been up to these past _____ years?"  And our response looks nothing like that of our worldly counterparts...and the ecouragement from everyone in that room saying, "its okay".  And being reminded and assured and comforted in the truth that it is far more valuable to grow in the knowledge of Christ Jesus our Lord, than to grow in the successes of this world.
I listened as Lee read from Hebrews, "Moses, by faith, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharoah's daughter, choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt; for He looked to the reward."  And continuing on in Hebrews, reading of the cloud of witnesses before us who by faith and for faith in the great reward of eternal life with the living God, "were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword.  They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented - of whom the world was not worthy."
I listened as Kevin encouraged from the book of John, "For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.  This is the will of the Father who sent Me, that of all He has given Me, I should lose nothing, but should raise it up the last day.  And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life; and I will raise him up at the last day."
I listened as Diana reminded me of the Love of Christ.  And to receive that love and respond to that love.  To be vulnerable to that love as it is poured out from above and through His people...of whom I am counted.
I am still listening.

Correction

Proverbs 12:1 "Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid".  (NKJV)

Last Saturday (the 5th) I was in prayer meeting and we were praying for the home churches.  Of course we all want people to be plugged into fellowship apart from attending church once a week, so we prayed for people to get connected in a home church.  While we were praying, I knew that I wasn't able to join a home church because of where I lived and the restriction on my schedule while caring for grandma.  So, I prayed out for those who just weren't able to be a part of a home church. 

One week later (the 10th) I was talking to a friend who asked me, "are you a part of a home church?".  And feeling a bit on the defensive I said, "no, I only have so much 'Leslie' time on the weekends, I'm not able to do it on the weekdays; I have to be back in Monroe by 6 on Sundays, this just isn't the time for me, and that has to be ok".  We moved on with our conversation and I moved on with my day.  However, that night at Saturday prayer, home churches were the topic of our prayers and wisdom was the desire.  And strangely enough, I was feeling so restless and anxious during these prayers...hmmm....

Well, later that night, before drifting off to sleep I entered into prayer and the Lord reminded me of a lesson He just taught me a month ago. "ALL of my time is consecrated to the Lord".  So, I prayed, "Lord, once again, I surrender the weekends to You and if it be your will that I enter into fellowship through a home church, then I receive that correction and will yield to your direction."

Sunday morning, arising for the day, once again, compelled to enter into prayer, "Lord, please cause someone to invite me to their home church if it be your will that I go, and I will obey".

Now, I had planned on going to the 11am service, because I was out late the night before, and didn't have any reason to wake up early.  But, I woke up at 6:15am, drank some tea, prayed, took a shower, took my time getting ready, painted each individual eyelash with mascara...REALLY I was not gonna make the 9am service.  After I finished getting ready, I checked the time - "8:32? Dang, I guess I could go to the 9am...might as well". 

It was at early service that I ran into Charlene and we had much to talk about...we talked until the second service began, so had to file out into the foyer.  It was here, that her husband, Kevin, approached us.  We said our hello's...acknowledging we hadn't seen each other since 2002/2003...and just before walking away, Kevin said, "do you belong to a home church?"  I shook my head, "nope...".  Then Charlene said, "oh you are more than welcome to join ours, its today."  To which I said, "it would have to be before 6pm."  To which she said, "it's from 3-5pm".  Again, I shook my head, not as to say, "no", but in disbelief.  Why disbelief...I mean, really, oh ye of little faith.  Charlene, perceiving my reaction as an unsure response, said "you can just pray about it, you don't have to come tonight".  And all I could say was, "I already have and I will be there."

Proverbs 16:9

"A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." (NKJV)
This past weekend I made the trek to Yakima to visit my mom. Normally this excursion takes about 5 to 5 1/2 hours....normally....
The drive up was as to be expected...light traffic on I-84...stop in Goldendale for a fluid release...light traffic up the mountain.....down the mountain....slow down through Toppenish.....75mph on I-82.....65mph through Yakima....take the 40th ave/Naches exit....20 minutes later arrive at mom's. All good.

Saturday morning we discussed the day before us. Had to take her truck & trailer that was loaded with yard debris to the dump, drop her other car off at the mechanic shop, run errands, pick up grandma (her mom), have lunch, drag the pasture and rake the leaves from the yard.

Based on the logistics of these tasks we decided the most efficient execution would be to take the truck load to the dump Sunday morning while I followed in my car in order to just leave from the dump. Afterall, I had to leave mom's by 10am on Sunday anyway to be home by 4pm. The dump opened at 9am...we would leave mom's by 8:30...not a problem, I'd be on the road and closer to my destination by 9:30.
Saturday was a good day; we completed our errands in town, dropped grandma off and started back to mom's. While on our way back, I brought to mom's attention a rattling sound coming from my car. I had noticed it after I got my car back from her mechanic a few weeks ago. Hmmm???

Back at mom's I dragged the pasture while she worked on her garden, and we were able to finish out the day with a new lasagna repcipe (replacing pasta with zucchini) and a movie. In bed and asleep by 9:45pm.

OKAY...Sunday (hmmm...why does everything seem strange on Sunday?)

When I woke up Sunday morning mom wanted to discuss my car. She wasn't comfortable with the sound and would prefer I leave my car with her so she could take it to the mechanic and get it checked out. This was understandable...however, this meant that I would need to take her truck home...which meant we would have to go to the dump and rather than leaving from the dump, I would have to go back to mom's, take the trailer off the truck, then leave. But, we had to do what we had to do.
So...let's reconstruct Leslie's plan for her day. Leave for the dump @ 8:30...arrive by 9...unload....leave by 9:20....back at mom's by 9:50....leave mom's by 10....meet Laura in Portland around 1pm to drop off the coffee I picked up for her.....arrive Corvallis by 3pm...swing by grocery store....home by 4pm.

Now let's see what really happened:
8:15am - I wanted to show mom the video I took of Lily at her band concert before I took off. So plugged my camera into my laptop...started the video...no sound "what...why isn't there sound? It worked last time...??" Mom, being a computer nerd says, "let me look at it..."
8:40am - "Mom, we need to get going....it's 8:40
8:45am - in the truck and heading down the driveway
9:15am - arrived at dump
9:35am - finished at dump
10am - arrived back at mom's, took trailer off hitch, loaded the truck with my things, said goodbye
10:15am - in the truck and heading down the driveway
10:20am - arrived at stop sign where I am suppose to turn right....I turned left.
10:35am - arrived at a stop sign I had never been before....called mom "where am I?"....her response, "either you turn around or turn left and head down the mountain, but it will put you out on the opposite side of Yakima" either way, I've lost time...so decided to just turn left and head down the mountain.
10:50am - arrived at freeway 16 miles from the wrong side of Yakima
11:00am - Got on I-82 in Yakima
11:20am - took the Buena/Toppenish exit to head south, got behind a vehicle going 35mph in a 50mph zone....drove this slow for about 6 miles...drove through Toppenish at 25mph...got out of Toppenish....headed up the mountain.
12:30pm - Crossed the Columbia at the border, needed a bathroom break and was hungry. Decided to stop at Biggs Jct....had few choices for healthy eats...saw a little ma and pa "Deli & Market" thought I would check it out....HORRIBLE mistake...dirty, gross...used their bathroom so felt compelled to buy something anyway....purchased some wet wipes.
12:40pm - back on the road....I-84...still hungry.
1pm - arrived in the Dalles...so hungry....didn't have time to stop, but needed something to eat...decided to swing through Burger King...the quickest option...ordered a steak burger...just needed the steak.....pulled up to order..."I'll be right with you ma'am".....5 minutes later, "I apologize for the wait, how may help you?" "I just need a steak burger". I pulled forward, paid my fee and...."I'm sorry ma'am, it will be a few minutes for the steak to be done, if you could pull forward and park, we will bring it out to you". I pulled forward to wait....my patience growing slim with each wasted minute that passed. About 5 minutes later I had my steak sandwich, peeled off the bun, got situated to eat and drive and pulled back on the insterstate.
2:10pm - take the Johnson Creek exit to hit Fred Meyer so I can take another much needed bathroom break, pick up some groceries and meet Laura to give her her coffee. I had 20 minutes to get back on the road, giving me 1 1/2 hours to get home by 4pm. Cutting it EXTREMELY close, but figured I would only be a few minutes late. My stop at Fred Meyer was a success, was back in my car and on 205 by 2:35.
2:40pm - called dad to let him know I would be late, at that very minute I passed an electronic reader board indicating there was an accident on I-5 southbound just south of the 205 interchange. I decided to take the back road from the West Linn exit. This was going to slow me down. However, dad and grandma were expecting company about 3:30 and he said he wouldn't leave until after they did, so I felt as though I had a few minutes to spare. I told him I was exhausted and didn't really feel like walking in on company and visiting with people I barely knew, so if he would just call me when they left I would come over. Assuming I would already be in Monroe when he called....hoping I would already be in Monroe when he called.
2:55pm-turned onto Stafford Rd to drive the appx. 7 miles to Wilsonville and got behind a car that was going 35mph. As I continued to follow I wondered if I was behind a teenager learning how to drive. My mom made me go 45mph in a 55mph zone on Hwy 97 when I was first learning to drive. So opted to have some compassion for this person, if this be the case. As we rolled into Wilsonville and were presented with a double lane, I passed this seemingly amatueur driver, looked inside the car, and there I saw a boy of pubescent age with his hands at 2-10 and a 'father-type' in the passenger seat. I'm glad I chose compassion. I was also glad to see the traffic was moving smoothly on I-5 as I approached the on-ramp.
3:15pm-on I-5 going 5 miles over the speed limit...feeling pretty confident I would arrive before or by the time the company leaves.
3:35pm-Woodburn, the rain is coming down, the traffic becoming congested, people are weaving in and out of the lanes...am feeling uneasy about staying on the freeway...thinking the traffic may stay this congested, considering it is the last day of spring break and college kids are heading back to school, people are in a hurry....really didn't want to be a part of this game. So decided to get off at Woodburn and mosey my way over to 99E.
4pm - traveling through Keizer/Salem at 35mph, but getting lucky with the stop lights. By this time, my patience is about shot, I'm tired, I struggled finding my way to 99e, I'm still in Salem at 4pm...I am going to be soooo late! I manuever through Salem, cross the bridge on 99 heading out of Salem, look down at my gas gauge...E....CRAP! I need gas. Of course I realize this after I pass all the gas stations between Keizer and Salem....jeez....I stop at the first gas station I see. Which happens to be a small ma and pa. I'm the only customer, I pull up, roll down my window, turn off my car and.....wait.....and......wait....about 5 minutes (or what seemed like 5 minutes) later a little guy came shooting out of the store, came to my window, "I'm sorry for the wait, thank you for stopping in today, what can I get you?" "Fill it up with regular" as I handed him my debit. What happened next can only be described as comical....unfortunately I was not laughing: gas attendant - "ma'am, can I have your card back, I didn't push "fill"...only put in .08 worth" I handed him my card again...he goes to swipe again, pushes a button and the tank starts filling, "oh, I guess I didn't need to run it again...its okay" handed my card back and waited for the 14.7 gallons to finish filling. He puts the nozzle back in its rightful place, puts the gas cap on, closes the little door and a woman comes out of the store...."it did not process, you didn't not push the right button, need her to come in and ring it inside". gas attendant - "i'm so sorry ma'am, but we need you to go inside and pay...I messed up, I am sorry, I am new and still trying to learn..." He was a precious little fellow, and all I could do was smile and say, "it's okay" over and over and over again. However, I think he could sense my impatience and frustration. I went inside to pay, however that was a little slowed up because the woman couldn't get it to do whatever 'it' needed to do in order to let me pay..."you need to push pump 3" says the gas attendant. She finally got it and the gas attendant went back outside while I signed my receipt. When I left the store I saw the guy washing my windshield as he started apologizing the minute I walked out the door. "it's okay", I repeated. I got in my truck and he was working on the passenger side, I turned on my car and the windshield wipers were still on, striking his squeegy has he attempted to clean. He backed away I tried to smile and tell him not to worry about the window and then barreled out of there (not really barrelled...my heart barrelled out of there, but I think I maintained a safe composure in my foot)
4:15pm - back on the road.
I was becoming more settled in bones, as my father had not yet called and by the time I reached Monroe at 5:15, he still had not called. I did a drive by at the house and saw their company was still there. I made a huge sigh of relief. "Thank God! I'm not late". I decided to go to the Dari Mart and pick up a scratch it Bingo card to pass the time, figuring I would park at Dad's trailer until the company left or 6pm arrived...whichever came first. As soon as I pulled down the road, I saw the car pulling out of grandma's driveway, so pulled in right after they pulled out. Dad was just getting ready to call me. It was 5:30...right on time!
That night as I met with the Lord I was reminded of Proverbs 16:9. Considering how my attitude became harsher with each passing minute and the frustration of feeling late and the annoyance of things that made me late ensuing my impatient behavior. Then I thought of the gas attendant and how he was trying to do a good job, and how bad he felt about messing up and because I was too caught up in my own plan of how the day was to work out for me, I failed to consider how his day was working out for him, and how God's plan was working out for us. "A man's heart plans his way, BUT the LORD directs his steps"....God was directing my steps this day...and I did not bend. And there is so much of me that believes everything that made me 'late' that day was intended for that brief meeting with the gas attendant...and what he needed. Did I miss it?
God didn't let me down..He allowed grandma's company to be late, which caused them to stay longer, which gave me time to get home before Dad needed to leave. I continue to pray for that gas attendant...there was something beyond sight occuring at that moment...occuring in his life....and I pray for a yielding spirit, one that is more committed to God's direction than my plans.

Read "Prelude" first.....

Okay, let's try this again...Sunday, March 21st.

I woke up at 12:35am feeling so hungry. Which was understandable considering what little I ate the day before. However, I was not prepared for the distraction this would cause in my attempt to go back to sleep. I tossed and turned for about an hour until I decided to get up and take care of some business on the computer. Afterward I tried to, once again, go back to sleep. My stomach wouldn't let me. At 2:23 I grabbed my things and headed over to grandma's house to satisfy my hunger and finish out my sleep.

By the time I got to grandma's, grabbed some water and celery, cleared off my bed and snuggled in under the covers, it was 3am. My alarm was set for 7am in order to go to early service, however, by this point I decided I would just skip the service and sleep in, so turned off the alarm.

The next time I woke up the sun was peaking through my curtain and I said to myself, "it must be at least 9 or later since the last time I woke up and looked at the clock it was 7:27; and that had to of been at least a couple of hours ago". I really thought I had woke up a couple hours earlier, looked at the clock, saw that it was "7:27" and decided to go back to sleep. So you can imagine my surprise, when I grabbed my cell phone to check the time, at it was 7:27. Needless to say, I was perplexed and figured, "I better go to church....cuz that is just weird".

The message was entitled "Heavenly Minded" and what a perfect word in due season! Oh how I needed to be reminded of this crucial element in the believer's walk. Was richly blessed in this exhortation.

After church I had my Sunday pizza with Dave & Lily, picked up some groceries and potting soil and headed back home. I still had some things over at Dad's trailer that I needed to grab and then would head back to grandma's to plant starter seeds with Aunt Kathy.

When I opened to the door of the trailer I heard an interesting noise...kind of a rushing-hissing sound....kind of like a pipe-that-burst-and-water-spraying-all-over-the-place kind of sound. And, what do you know...that is exactly what it was. Inches of water covered the bathroom floor and the hallway carpet was beyond soaked. I managed to get the water turned off and commenced extraction.

The reason why I mention this excerpt from my day is to acknowledge the incredible timing for such a thing to occur. If this pipe would have burst any other Sunday prior to March 21st, the water damage would have been irreparable. The water would have continue soaking the bathroom and beyond for at least one week, if not two.

What does this mean in the grand scheme of things....I don't know. Is there a meaning to be found in a burst pipe and salvaged flooring....I don't know. What does it mean to me? I was where I needed to be because I obeyed the Lord. Did I save a soul? No, I saved a floor. Why? I don't know. Do I need to know why? No, because I believe in a God that does and that will always be good enough for me.

Prelude

Sunday, March 21st.

Actually, I should probably provide some background information at this point.

My grandma had a stroke in January of 2009 and I moved back to Oregon to take care of her in February 2009. So for the past year I have been with her 24 hours a day/5 days a week. My weekend would start at 6pm on Friday night and end at 6pm on Sunday night. Because my life was so confined and non-social during the week, and because I was going through some serious transitions (spiritual as well as environmental) I felt it necessary to flee on the weekends, thereby making it a habit to go to Portland and spend time with friends and family.

Though, getting away made being at grandma's more bearable, I mentally struggled with finding an opportunity to sit under the teaching of the Word of God. I really didn't want to spend 3 hours of my Sunday morning going to church...afterall, I only had a few hours in my day before getting back to life with 'g'. So this was a topic of prayer constantly playing out before the Lord. So to summarize, for the past year I have been fleeing to Portland on the weekends, visiting friends and family and taking care of my grandma during the week.

Well, in the past few weeks, the Lord responded to my prayers on this matter. How do I know it was the Lord? Peace and contentment followed. See, what y'all don't know, is that my dad has a fully furnished trailer on my grandma's property that is not being used, except by him every other Saturday morning. And though I knew, all this time, I could stay there on the weekends and still have some time away and not feel like I had to flee to Portland; I couldn't bare the thought. "It would be too close", "I wouldn't feel like I really got away", "there is nothing to do here"; these and many more thoughts stirred up in my mind in response to this idea. In addition, I didn't know how to have a life in Corvallis again. Let's just say there were many things holding me back from even considering this as an option. Then, a few Saturdays ago a friend invited me to Saturday night service at Solid Rock in Portland and I went. And the message taught that night included the pastor asking of us three questions to closely consider, and one of those questions resonated deeply..."What is holding you back from fully following after the Lord?" This is a question many a believer asks themselves, however, that night, this was a question I fully let the Lord ask of me and I fully received the answer the Lord gave me. My response occurred in three ways: a committment to a child; attending Saturday prayer the following Saturday at Calvary in Corvallis and...this weekend, staying at my dad's trailer. Three outward expressions in response to the inward workings of a magnificently omnicient and living God.

Okay, we are up to date and ready for Sunday, March 21st.

Trying to find my voice again

It has been over a year since vocalizing my thoughts in a public forum. I wasn't really sure what to say. While traveling, it was easy to share my experiences and stories because I had an audience of people wanting to know what was going on with my adventure. But, now that I am back in Oregon and simply taking care of grandma, I can't help but think...who wants to hear from me now? The core of my audience is a apart of my daily world now, so they aren't going to be reading this...but, I'm hoping to find my voice, not for the sake of an audience...just for the sake of finding my voice. So, here's to the next chapter of this little adventure, I like to call, my life.