It's about 10:56pm on Wednesday night, yes I am actually blogging in "real time". I'm tired and can barely hold a verbal conversation but one is relentlessly playing out in my head. So even though I turn the lights out and my lids can so easily blanket my eyes....I am unable to sleep.
'The thunder rolls and the lighting strikes" outside and I can hear the rings made in the puddles with each drop of rain. I am lying here thinking of where I am and how easy it was to get here. Before venturing off it was such a grandiose idea to just get in the car and drive across the country. The wild wonderment engaged my imagination providing plenty of fuel for conversation and thought, driving an oblivious enthusiasm for the sights unseen. And now, now that I am ready to settle in to a desire that was, for so long, hampered by fear, I realize...it's not that big of deal. I don't know if it is because I have faith in a God that is mightier than I and therefore am able to rest in His peace despite outwardly circumstances or that, really, it's not that scary...it's not that big of a deal. The minute I got on the road, I was just driving. I'm not going to deny that I didn't experience some amazing moments that deepened my awareness and simplified the reality of reality....but it never once felt daunting or scary...I never once felt afraid or alone. I was just doing something that I had always wanted to do and I just wonder how many of us miss out on the simplicity of reality because we don't just follow our heart and our dreams. I can honestly say that I don't really have a lot of dreams...I have a lot of fantasies...you know the ones that involve giving a thank you speech for winning the Golden Globe as best actress.....but, I remember always having one dream and that was to just pack up my car and drive east. But that was never practical and a lot of fear surrounded that dream, so I never considered it to be a true possibility, unless I got married and did it with my husband, in my mind, only then would it be considered "acceptable". So ever since I was 18 I have been waiting to meet a man that would be willing to just jump in the car and drive east...with no destination, just drive and fulfill my dream. I guess I didn't realize the Husband that would provide this opportunity would be the same Lord that freed me from all the fear that for so long paralyzed me from being true to myself. I know the One True God not only as God and Father, but as my Lord, my Husband, my Savior, my Hope, my Peace, my Comfort, my Joy, my Truth, my Strength, my Rest, my Desire...my Friend, and He makes the simple beautiful....He turned the simple act of driving into a flight of endless possibilities and I stand in awe because I don't deserve this kind of freedom. But, oh, by His mercy, by His grace I receive and pray to not let fear distract me from the simple beauties of life. There is so much to see and so little that needs to be said.
I guess I share this now because it was just today that I understood the meaning behind the scripture, "you are sealed by the Holy Spirit"...I trust the Lord with my heart, I relinquished it to Him and I'm not afraid to share it or this journey He has me on.
Much Love and Blessings,
Leslie
No comments:
Post a Comment