My Day As A Mariner

July 2011, the Mariners have suffered a 14 game losing streak and I have felt like a teammate, walking through the same losing streak in my own life.  The idea that “it doesn’t matter what we do, we can’t win”.  They hit a grand slam in the top of the 8^th  to tie the game, then gave up 2 runs in the bottom of the 8^th to produce their 13^th loss.  I had the first uninterrupted sleep since I can remember, while caring for grandma, only to be without energy and simply exhausted for the whole day.  The mariners take a tied game into the 14^th inning, lose it at the bottom of the 14^th after a runner stole second and third and was able to tag up and run home on a pop out to center field.  I had 2 breakthrough conversations with my dad, hoping that something would change with me so than I can move forward and not be so tripped up by my past issues with him, but each day just continued to be compounded with fatigue, frustrations with communicating with him and grandma and constantly feeling relegated to the back seat within their midst. 

“I am so tired of being tired”.  I say this as the Mariners are saying, “we are so tired of losing”.  They get close, they make great plays, they get a grand slam, they tie the game and take it into extra innings,  they have their highest hitting average all season, but their worst pitching record.  “It doesn’t matter what we do, we can’t win”.  For the potentially 15^th loss in a row (which I am watching right now and we are only in the bottom of the first and behind, 2-3), the manager, Eric Wedge, shaved his mustache.  “At this point you got try everything, so much of it is psychological”.  Yesterday I took a day trip to the coast and sat there on the beach watching the ocean, listening to the waves, feeling the wind, “maybe this break will redirect my perspective and resurge my energy…I got to do something, something needs to change”.

[2 RBI single; 2-5, Red Sox; bottom of the first]

Grandma’s oldest and dearest friend passed away last night.  She turned ninety-five just two weeks ago.  They had known each other for 63 years and have lived life together for all 63.  Muriel was grandma’s first friend upon moving here from Canada, 63 years ago, and I imagine they were closer than sisters.  Both Muriel and Grandma’s husbands passed away and so they have carried each other the rest of the way and now I wonder if Grandma is thinking, “who will carry me now?”  I’m not sure how this is going to affect her psychologically.  I’m not sure how much of the weight of life was relieved for grandma just knowing  Muriel was still getting up each morning and going to bed each night and living the same ‘ol dull routine just down the street. 

This morning grandma woke up and I met her in the living room, “the Mariner’s game is on grandma”, to which she replies, “I don’t care”.  This apathy for the Mariners, who she has followed for about 10 years could be in part because of their losing streak OR is it because the will to live has already begun its descent ?

Lord, You are the strength of my life, I pray You be the strength of grandma’s life.  I pray for wisdom to know how to walk alongside her on this leg of her journey.  I pray for simple words of comfort and effective gestures of love and kindness toward this woman who I call grandma, who others call mom, who some call friend and few call sister.  May Your love carry her, may Your love comfort her, may Your truth settle her and bring her peace as she continues to get up each morning, go to bed each night and continue living the same ‘ol dull routine.